Posted by
Darrick Johnson on Saturday, April 26, 2008 2:08:38 PM
Hillary’s big win in Pennsylvania this week has compounded the Democrats problems. This is an election in which all the fundamentals appear to be in their favor, yet their destructive nominating process is putting all of that in danger. As a Republican, this a beautiful thing to watch. For Democrats, though, this is a mess with no obvious good solutions.
If Obama wins, as is probable, he’s going to be a weakened candidate, with the continued Jeremiah Wright, William Ayers, and Tony Rezko problems.
(Memo to Paul Shanklin, the time has come for a Hank Willams Jr. parody. Barack Obama sings “All My Marxist Friends”. Surefire hit. )
About 20% of Hillary supporters (about 10% of the party) would vote for McCain or stay home if Obama is the nominee. Even if only half of those follow through, Obama loses Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Florida handily.
If Hillary wins, it will only be through some very, very shady work on the part of the former First Lady. Denver 2008 would look like Chicago 1968, and an embittered democratic party would go into the fall divided, clinging to their ipods and atheism, having made fools of themselves on national TV in the Mile High City.
So what options are left? There’s always the desperate call to Al Gore to be the compromise candidate, but Al Gore doesn’t exactly “Winner”. The fact that he’s an attractive “dream” candidate says more about the low expectations of Democrats than it does about Mr. Gore.
Democrats have to think outside the bun. As a conservative, my choice would be for the Democrats to nominate a tough on spending, defense hawk, with a great record of military service. He would have to toe the liberal line on some issues, to hold the party together, so they need to find someone that is a Global Warming alarmist, and is highly critical of President Bush. Only one man fits that description. The Democrats should nominate John McCain. Think of it. The Republicans would now be left scrambling for a nominee. Blue-collar Democrats, reluctant to pull the lever for a Republican, but not wanting unrepentant terrorists roaming the White House, would have their perfect candidate. Democrats would look wise and magnanimous, while pulling themselves off the ideological brink that Howard Dean and Barack Obama currently have them on. Republicans could scramble to find the true conservative that eluded them during the primary. Whatever the outcome, Al-Qaeda continues to hemorrhage in the sands of Iraq, the federal budget shrinks, taxes don’t skyrocket, and adults run the war and the courts.
It’s a happy version of the classic Simpson’s episode, when twin aliens, Kang and Kodos, assume the bodies of Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. Shortly before the election they reveal their true identities, and their intentions to make slaves out of all humans. But it’s a two party system, so the impending slavery is unavoidable. (Much to the displeasure of Ross Perot, on whom no one will “throw their vote away”).
There’s one more form of the Kang and Kodos strategy, one that’s a little more sinister, and less fun for my fellow Republicans. Democrats, please stop reading here. Here’s the plan: Call it a tie. The Democratic Party is big enough for Obama’s Black Panther Marxism, and Hillary’s corrupt political machine. Nominate both. Put Hillary on the ballot in states that she won, like Michigan, Pennsylvania and Ohio. Run Obama in the states he won. As long as they don’t ever run in the same state, they could win enough electoral votes between them to deprive John McCain of 270 votes. Then it goes to the House of Representatives. Barring a huge upset, Democrats will have solid control of the House in January of 2009. Then we’re back to the same fight we’re having now, Democrats picking between two closely matched candidates. Only now, they win the White House either way. It would be an ugly mess, but sometimes you have to win ugly.